New York City to fully reopen on July 1st

Whenever Bill de Blasio opens his mouth, New York City lets out one big groan. Probably the most hated man in the city since Pedro Martinez. Today though, he delivered some good news. New York City is back! New York City plans to fully reopen on July 1st.

As everyone said "New York City is dead", they're all going to crawl back like the sewer rats in the subways after spending a year home. The Beckys of the world are ready to take pictures at rooftop bars with the caption "The city that never sleeps..." Or a kid from the midwest who moved after college claiming he's a true New Yorker after getting one bagel with lox and a midnight snack from the local bodega.

After taking a year off, it's time for NYC to bounce back. The most diverse city in the world hopes to get back their finance bros, liberal feminists, and everything in between.