Dog Shoots Texas Man

Don’t say I didn’t warn you. This past weekend a dog shot his owner in Texas. When I read this headline I immediately began to freak out. Yes, I predicted this, but it happened years earlier than my models anticipated. I thought we had at least a few more years to build up our bone and treat supply to keep them distracted. In a panicked state, I opened the article, wondering how the dog had gotten into the gun safe and loaded a weapon. Upon further inspection, it turns out dogs are still innocent sidekicks and humans remain the true morons.

The dog’s owner, who decided to remain unnamed, had a pistol tucked into his waistband. When the dog jumped on the owner in excitement, his paw got stuck near the trigger and shot the man in the thigh. While his injuries were not life-threatening, I have to imagine the shame of the situation must be worse than death. One minute you think you’re a badass who straps a loaded firearm to your pubes with the safety off, the next you’re crying on the floor wondering where it all went wrong.

I’ve spent my entire life in a state with strict gun laws. No open carry, difficult to obtain the permit to own a firearm, and no concealed carry. After reading this article, I couldn’t believe average citizens walk around with guns tucked into their blue-jeans like they’re a god damn cowboy. I genuinely believed that was something Hollywood had played up to create action scenes. Is there a holster shortage in Texas I’m unaware of? Or was this guy just a fool who thought he was hot shit?

Moral of the story, treat all weapons like they are loaded. I’m pretty sure every person on Earth is aware of this rule, yet somehow it still needs to be repeated daily. This means gun safety is priority number one, so even if you want to be the coolest cat in all of the trailer park, avoid tucking a loaded firearm into your pants. To everyone else who isn’t an idiot, watch out when you’re in Texas. I’m sure this is only scratching the surface of all the gun-related incidents that happen in that godforsaken place.