Why Grown Men Should Be Banned From Wearing Jerseys

A few years ago, my sister and I went to a Yankees vs. Red Sox game. We sat in the nosebleeds surrounded by young kids with their parents, along with drunk 18-year-olds.

Around the 3rd inning, we started to hear grown men arguing about who was in a better position to win the AL East. At first, I tried to ignore them and focus on the game, but the argument got louder. Both guys were around 45-50 years old, and the Yankees fan was wearing a gold chain, 2009 World Series Champions fitted hat, and a pinstriped #2 jersey. The Red Sox fan was wearing a sweat-stained Red Sox hat and a Mookie Betts jersey.

As these men were going back and forth at each other, I didn’t think the argument was the most ridiculous part. These two men were dressed like 10-year-old boys. After witnessing that argument, my views about grown men wearing jerseys changed forever.

As a guy that used to buy fake basketball jerseys from China, I understand that collecting jerseys can be fun. But at what age should you stop wearing jerseys to a party or game?

Parties and Social Gatherings

The cutoff age is 22. Once you graduate college, please put away your old basketball jerseys and put on a normal shirt when you go out to a party. You look ridiculous wearing a Kevin Garnett Celtics jersey to your family gathering. Also, whenever I see a kid wearing a backwards hat, sunglasses, and a basketball jersey, it adds a few more points to the douche scale. Melanie from Phi Delta Pi no longer finds it attractive. I’m not saying you need to change your wardrobe entirely, but getting rid of your stinky basketball jerseys from China is a good first step.

Gamedays

The cutoff age for wearing a jersey to a game is different. When it comes to game day, I understand the excitement of wanting to show off your team pride. The cutoff age is 35, but there is an exception. If you have a family member or friend playing in the game, you are excused. The reason I say 35 is because I think the weirdest part of all of this is when a 50-year-old man wears a jersey of a 25-year-old kid. No one wants to look like a man-child while eating chicken tenders in a rookie’s jersey.

Work

I shouldn’t even say this, but never wear a jersey to work! At no time, regardless of how well your team is playing should you show up in a jersey. I’ve seen many of my coworkers come in before a big playoff game or season opener rocking a uniform. I’ve even been in a Zoom call where one of my customers wore a Jayson Tatum jersey. Unless your company has “spirit days”, stick with your usual work wardrobe. Trust me, there’s nothing worse than getting in a sports argument with coworkers you hate to work with.

So for all of my brothers out there, it’s ok to move on from the jersey lifestyle. Wearing a regular shirt to the game with the team’s logo is more comfortable anyways. It shows your support for the team while looking like a normal, functioning human being that contributes to society. Pass the jerseys down to your little brother, and move on.