As a guy who hates brainstorming a costume and then spending money on a one-use outfit, I’m glad Halloween is canceled this year. Sure it’s fun to go out and enjoy yourself, but Halloween as an adult has turned into a cry for attention on Instagram. Guys try to go all out on “funny” group costumes and girls toe the line on how much skin they can show before their Dad has a public freakout. I can always appreciate someone who puts in work to ensure they have a clever or unique costume. However, there are some costumes, that are so lazy and uninspired, that you should be ashamed to even consider them.
Just a Jersey
How lazy are you? You really thought you could get away with your old, stained, Giants blue OBJ jersey and claim you’re a football player? Might as well put on shorts and claim you’re a soccer player. Pathetic. Even as a last-minute costume it’s still hot garbage. If you waited till the very last second to get a costume you should just man up and go as poverty ghost. Otherwise the only time your cheap Chinese NFL jersey should see the outside world is on its trip to the dumpster.
Cop Out Costume
For an example of a cop-out costume, think anything Jim from The Office wore. Before you get all huff and puff saying Jim is just a typical guy, Jim’s a dick. Sorry you have to hear it from me but it’s the truth. A name tag, “3-hole-punch”, wearing a flannel and a hat then calling yourself a trucker, they are all BS costumes. The worst part about these outfits is that they take minimal preparation, meaning you considered options and chose a cop-out. You really thought someone would be impressed that you are carrying around an empty pizza box all night? I’d rather you wear a t-shirt and jeans than try to play me for a fool as you dress in nothing but glasses and a white shirt, declaring you are Clark Kent.
A classic Halloween option, how can I possibly roast wearing a Mask? Simple. While nice in theory you will take it off sooner than later, leaving you with no costume. In this day and age, I see people crying about mask’s so often that I’m shocked anyone would willingly spend money on a full-face, rubber mask. It’s seriously a waste of money, and once the shock factor of a grown adult walking in with PennyWise’s face wears off, you’re just the weirdo holding a clown mask.
*Editors Note: A female doing a sexy iteration of any of these costumes is allowed.
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