This Is the Worst Gift of All Time

With the holidays right around the corner, the anxiety of gift-buying is starting to settle in. Not only do you have to worry about looking like a cheapskate, but you also have to make sure your gift is tailored for the specific individual as well. Gift-giving has always been a fine balance between useful and meaningful. That’s why I have no idea why people are still purchasing plots of land online. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, all over the internet you can buy a “plot of land” in another nation, planet, or solar system.

These gifts serve no purpose and aren't legally binding in any way. Essentially, people are spending a ton of money on a certificate that means absolutely nothing. If this practice sounds familiar, it’s probably because you attended college in the US. Some of these scams, I’m sorry I meant sites, operate under the guise of helping preserve nature. Others come with the gift of a title, declaring you a Lord/Lady of said nation. Most have rules that you must abide by if you visit your plot of land. I would say this is BS but then I remembered HOA’s exist.

These seem to be popular in Ireland and Scotland. Probably something to do with a large amount of Americans with cash to blow that are descendants of these nations. Also, most people probably never visit since it’s most likely a 5x5 grass patch in a field anyways. So while plots bought in these nations are mainly useless, at least they have some sort of meaning and could theoretically be visited if determined enough.

Where this idea really starts to go off the rails is when we leave our pale blue dot. For example, an acre of land on the moon or Mars is currently going for $30. If you want to name a star that’s gonna cost you $35, and an extra bright star will be $80. If you ever consider getting someone a plot of land on the moon as a present, you should be permanently banned from gift-giving. I want to see how these deeds play in the future. What happens when a new human colony is set up next to the star named “DIX3NORMOUS” in 2478? Will I be able to sue if Elon’s Mars base is encroaching on the 300 acres of land I bought as an investment? Or will I just realize that these are pieces of paper printed by con artists and that Eddie guy on Hounder was right?

If you’re now wondering what's a good gift if naming a star isn’t, I’ll help you out. Gift-giving for friends and family is easy. Either give them cash so they can buy what they want, or give them an experience they will remember forever. Buying a gift for a young adult? Uber and amazon gift cards are guaranteed to be a success. If you’re buying a gift for a significant other, that one is up to you. Just a heads up though, your girlfriend of six years doesn’t want an acre on the moon.