Jack Black Films Softcore Pornography

It’s not often that an online video leaves me speechless. For decades now I've had internet access, which means any blue link can be a trap designed to force disturbing images onto me. Between ebaumsworld, meatspin, and the kids in middle school who wore cookie monster pajama pants to school, I’ve had my fair share of traumatic internet experiences. Believing I had seen it all, nothing prepared me for what Jack Black decided to post. You can watch the video here.

The camera focused on his center mass, the speedo, the soaking wet body hair all caused my stomach to flip and contract during my viewing. Despite being the only person in the room, I had to turn my head from my phone to prove my heterosexuality. The PlayStation party chat roasts can get relentless so it’s become instinctual to preemptively protect myself from any bashing.

This video will live in infamy for years. While watching him dance is revolting, it’s also hilarious. This is what body positivity is. Not being ashamed of who you are while making yourself and those around you happy. The video has amassed 23 million views in the past 17 hours and that number will continue to climb for years to come. I have to imagine those most offended by this video are 19-year-old chicks who disappoint their dads with their TikToks for 1/1000th of the exposure. It takes no talent to be hot and shake your ass. Being objectively unattractive and shaking your ass though? Well, it turns out that's lightning in a bottle.