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Homeowner Declares Laborers' Defecation a Crime

I'd rather have my tire slashed than what she had to go through


There are some events in your life that come around so rarely, you cherish them forever. A wedding day, a total solar eclipse, a leap into the unknown. While these are all defining moments, none even compare to being the first person to christen a toilet. The feeling of satisfaction is primal, laying claim to the throne that many will sit upon. In middle school, I was graced with the ability to christen a recently renovated bathroom, a crowning achievement I’ll never forget. That’s why this news is so devastating. A woman decided to renovate her house, and her right to consummate her new home was stolen from her. Laborers had taken the restroom’s virginity before she even set foot in the house.

I must preface this with she did in fact pay money to have a porta potty on site for all laborers. So this heinous violation wasn’t committed out of necessity, but desire. Whoever used that toilet first knew what they were doing when they removed the tape from the seat. I would be beyond upset if this happened to me. Does another man think that they can decree my seat their property? I would demand a new toilet as compensation for the crime. In one move, the house went from brand new to used. As if that wasn’t enough, the criminals left behind evidence. While the nature of this evidence wasn’t confirmed, one can assume at the very least a prominent skid mark was left behind. The owner stated she had to clean the bowl twice to get it to sparkle once more.

The homeowner named Nadia went on to declare this act criminal, demanding they stop at once in a lengthy note taped to the toilet. While she isn't in the wrong, I do believe words would’ve been more effective than a piece of paper. If I were the homeowner, I’d be livid, however, from a neutral standpoint I can’t blame the laborer. Had I been presented with the opportunity, I would’ve pounced on it as I have in the past. The difference between me and this laborer is the fact my mother taught me to clean up after myself. So while I would’ve escaped the job site, this man has been turned into a meme and most likely received a harsh 1-star review.